Instructions for fishing MOAL Leeches

Many people, it seems, are seeking knowledge regarding the proper technique for fishing MOAL Leeches.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Sort of.

moal leech

Q: How to fish MOAL leeches

A: Itemized instructions for fishing MOAL leeches follows. Angler must follow these strictly or risk not catching an actual salmon or steelhead.

Hire steelhead guide.

Purchase new rod/reel/line fly fishing combo outfit.

Purchase spare rod/reel/line outfit.

Purchase Simms guide waders, guide jacket, guide boots, guide undies, guide gloves, guide layering, guide socks, guide wader bag, guide tackle bag, guide sling pack, guide bottle opener, canvass camp hat, and guide nippers.

Dismiss Guide.

Pay trip cancellation fee for pissing off guide.

Purchase drift boat, trailer, oars, fish box, rescue rope, whitewater bags, Polaroid glasses, digital camera, life jackets, walkie talkies, binoculars, Powerbars, Gatorade, electric fillet knife, vacuum packer, toxic egg cure, box of latex gloves, sunscreen, lip balm, propane heater, 4X4 Tahoe, and fishing license.

Submit request for vacation time.

Receive notice that vacation account is empty.

Receive layoff notice.

Tell boss to take his layoff notice and – – – – – – –

Call Rob Russell and sign up for Spey casting class.

Stop by Caddis Fly on way home from office to pick up last minute fishing items, including spare nippers and Simms aluminum cigar humidor.

Sign up for unemployment insurance (12weeks).

Inform wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, room mate, cat, dog, bird, or appropriate significant other that you are on “special assignment” and will be working away from the office for the next 12 weeks.

Drive to nearest steelhead or salmon bearing water.

Park new SUV in near river, adjacent to stnaky trash receptacle that is dispersing stench of dead ghost shrimp and 6-month old elk carcass.

Dress with waders, vest, underwear, and so on.

Walk to stream.

Walk back to SUV and put on Simms Guide boots.

Return to stream.

Walk back to SUV.

Assemble new rod, reel, line, leader, and tie on MOAL Leech.

Walk back to stream.

Drop MOAL Leech into water at feet, while stripping fly line off reel in preparation to execute first cast.

Stumble backwards in astonishment at the sight of a school of steelhead (salmon, trout, carp, or catfish) rushing into shallows to consume previously mentioned MOAL Leech.

Break both elbows trying to keep from breaking tailbone.

Lay in 9” of water, keeping nose above water level, crying out for help from fellow anglers nearby.

Enjoy morphine-induced euphoria on ambulance ride to emergency room.

Take taxi ride home from Emergency room.

Relate fabricated story to wife, girlfriend, cat, and/or bird (you remember the list) explaining how you broke two elbows on “special assignment.”

List all recently purchased fishing-related items on Craigslist, offering same for approximately 13% of retail value.

Save one dozen MOAL Leeches for future use, just in case.


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5 Responses to Instructions for fishing MOAL Leeches

  1. arrowood says:


  2. Dave says:

    Who would have ever thought that wanting to learn how to fish a MOAL Leech would cause broken elbows.. Good one!!!


  3. Rob R says:

    So the undies go over the waders? Then the boots?

  4. eric says:

    Replace window of burglarized vehicle 🙂

  5. Jay Nicholas says:

    And then there is the jack-knifed trailer, but it’ll sell on CraigsList for a few hundred bucks – the “divorce special.” JN

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